Tuesday, December 6, 2011

where to go from here...

There is a moment when you feel that you need to get out, but you just dont know how to do so...

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Namie Amuro Sit! Stay! Wait! Down!

Kore wa Baby eien no ai-gyou
Soretomo moshikashite ego
Dochira ni seyo You can go (Bow wow wow wow! )
Kimi wa iyashi no Doggy dog
Kao miru dake de Okey Dokey
Dakedo komara seru no tokidoki (Bow wow wow wow)

Boy oh boy oh boy oh, oh boy Wakegawakaranai
Tell me Nani ga hoshii no ka Oh well
Tada no hankou-ki Tabun kitto kono mama
Naoranai kamo wagamama
Uousaou Ups & Downs
Kore ja koi dokoro janai

Who... Mega hanasenai hodo you charming crazy
Who... Shimatte okitaku naru hodo lovely

Kore wa Baby eien no ai-gyou
Soretomo moshikashite ego
Dochira ni seyo You can go (Bow wow wow wow! )
Kimi wa iyashi no Doggy dog
Kao miru dake de Okey Dokey
Dakedo komara seru no tokidoki (Bow wow wow wow)

Sit! Stay! Wait! Down!
Sit! Stay! Wait! Down!
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/n/namie_amuro/sit_stay_wait_down.html ]
Give me a, give me a break
Oh Boy ne teru ma ni "sh!"
Kossori nukedasu
Mou oteage kamo ne
Tte yappa tenshi no negao
Wasurerareta EX you got it
Oh... Ima wa your my baby
Who... Itsumademo soba ni ite All I Need Is You
Who... I'm happy When You're happy

Kore wa Baby eien no ai-gyou
Soretomo moshikashite ego
Dochira ni seyo You can go (Bow wow wow wow! )
Kimi wa iyashi no Doggy dog
Kao miru dake de Okey Dokey
Dakedo komara seru no tokidoki (Bow wow wow wow)

Sit! Stay! Wait! Down!
Sit! Stay! Wait! Down!
Good boy...

Kore wa Baby eien no ai-gyou
Soretomo moshikashite ego
Dochira ni seyo You can go (Bow wow wow wow! )
Kimi wa iyashi no Doggy dog
Kao miru dake de Okey Dokey
Dakedo komara seru no tokidoki (Bow wow wow wow)

Sit! Stay! Wait! Down!
Sit! Stay! Wait! Down!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

do not regret and be sad all the time...

Hey all...

How are you doing these days? I wish all in good health and no matter what you've been through i hope its all will end well...

There are times in our life that we feel regretted and we wish we can turn back time to change it.To make it more better.To lessen the burden and to avoid being sad and stupid. Wishing all will be just different from the current one. Maybe not all but i'm sure some may have feel this way...

Reality cannot be change no matter how hard we wish or pray...and that is our past that we called the history of our life. The uniqueness among human being. It may be beautiful or ugly, happy or sad and sometimes we feel like we cant make any decision just like that.We in dilemma and lost.

I cant tell you what to do precisely because i'm in that kind of situation too, we are all human :). But then, all i can say is, to me and all that i care and love, no matter what kind of decision that you make, rather its good or bad, please don't feel so regretful until you forget to enjoy your life. What is past can't never be change to something else...Even if you fall, at the deepest bottom of your life and you feels like there's no one can help you, the only thing you can do at that kind of time is "HOPE"...never lose your hope! Believing that one day everything is going to be alright if you don't stop trying and believing it!

If its too painful, there's one of the way to ease it that i learned from "How I Met Your Mother", write a letter for yourself in the future.So, whenever you feel that you are going to the wrong direction, read it back again! Whenever you feels like there is nothing you can do, read it back again! Only you know who you are and what you were thinking, so give it a try. Write it, so you wont forget it!okies~

Its ok to be sad for sometimes, but not all the time. Find someone that you trust or someone that is total stranger and let it all out...I did it sometimes talking to a stranger but online, of course not revealing who i am. Just talk and for me surprisingly i feels some of the burden inside my heart being lifted up even just a little it means a lot to me...

Or, write a blog. Like what am doing right now... :o)

To all, never lose your hope no matter what happen and dont stop believing that everything is going to be just fine if you dont stop trying to make it better....

I wish you a good health and happiness with more success in future, much love~

Sunday, November 20, 2011

love you you

JJ Lin Jun Jie

Love u u wo xiang gu du de yu fu
Shuo bu chu ai de wen du
Hen xiang gei ni de xing fu ni que zi wo bao hu
Zhuan wan chu zhi sheng xia chao xi zhi wai de huang wu

Love u u que zai hai li mi le lu
Zhao bu chu xin de gui shu
Si nian yue chang yue ku xin tiao luan le jiao bu
Zen me wo du bu dong ni cheng yu zhi jian de wu zhu

Jiu suan yong jin suo you zhen xin que dao bu liao ni de xin di
Hui yi nan yi kao jin ni shi wo she qiu de wei yi
Rang wo yong jin suo you li qi zhi yao ni xiang xin
Wo zui jian chi de sheng yin zhi shen yi ju love u u
Stay with me

Neng bu neng bie zhe yang fang qi
Neng bu neng jiu fang kai zi ji
Hai lang chuan tou wo de shang xin
Qing ting yi ting ai de sheng yin


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Someone like you- Adele

I heard
That you're settled down
That you
Found a girl
And you're
Married now

I heard
That your dreams came true
Guess she gave you things
I didn't give to you

Old friend
Why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back
Or hide from the light

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me I begged
I'll remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

You know how the time flies
Only yesterday
It was the time of our lives
We were born and raised
In a summer haze
Bound by the surprise
Of our glory days

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it
I had hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded
That for me it isn't over

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me I begged
I'll remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Nothing compares
No worries or cares
Regrets and mistakes
They are memories made
Who would have known
How bittersweet this would taste?

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me I begged
I'll remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Never mind
I'll find someone like you
I wish nothing but the best for you too
Don't forget me I beggedhttp
I'll remember you said
Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead

Sometimes it lasts in love
But sometimes it hurts instead



Thursday, August 18, 2011

when i thought its getting better..

I just realized that i spend a lot of my time alone,thinking and on the net. The only reason is to keep my mind of the things that troubled me.Yes, i try to forget it, but as much as i want it,it didnt work sometimes.

Few days ago, i received another news which gave me headache. I was about to do my work as i left me more than half a year now,as am not well for the past few months. Frankly, i might be good in my study but am suck at life that needs me to solve problems which is not in the books.well perhaps some may been published by other people but some, i just cant get through.

All these made me trouble sleeping and down and hopeless.I know i cant whine over it, i cant sigh over it but i just dont know what to do.It seems like my life is never ending the unexpected.

All i want is a simple life.If people are envy with me, just forget it.Am not perfect n leading the imperfection life.I just love to be with the crowd that am comfortable with.If you dont like me, just go away.Am fine with it.

what should i do,am hoping someone can give me the best solution regarding the problems am facing now.It sucks the life out of me.I want to be strong and i dont want to be quitter!

I wish someone can help me...

I wish all of you a nice day today.
luv n miss. dun forget to smile always yuh~

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

berita itu entah benar entah tidak...

Perkabaran itu tiba-tiba dan aneh.

Adakah benar atau tidak, diluar kemampuan.

Jika benar, ku pujuk hati agar sabar dan tabah.Ini dugaan dan ujian dari Allah swt.

Sabarlah hati, mungkin ada hikmah di sebalik semua ini.

Kita hanya mampu berusaha, selebihnya hanya Allah swt Maha mengetahui....

Ku mohon pada Ilahi lindungi la kami dari semua perkara yang tidak baik.Golongkan kami di dalam golongan orang-orang yang beriman dunia dan akhirat....

Assobaruminal iman..

miss n luv y'all. smile always yuh!

Friday, August 5, 2011

That friday...5th

Life is full of unexpected events...

I thought i was super strong.i managed to put a happy face and cool side of me for such a long long time.

But that friday, i accidentally cant hold it anymore...

I cried~

In front of everyone that i dont wish they knew what had happened to me...

Dang, ashamed.But i felt like a huge burden been lifted up from my chest!

This is the second time i cried in front of those people.And all because of that place!

Maybe this is the fate that i must face it no matter what.I think it is.

At that moment, I promised myself this: I AM GOING TO GET MY LIFE BACK! nothing matter but only that.

I pray to Allah to grant me a super strong heart to go through this moment successfully~

To all that face the same problem like me, i wish you all the best. Be strong yuh!

Miss and luv all. keep on smiling yuh~

Sunday, July 31, 2011

first ramadhan...

I'm wishing all happy and blessed ramadhan al-mubarak....

may all get the benefit of this blessed month...

smile always yuh...

Saturday, July 30, 2011

now its hard...

Hiya, may all in good health.

Every act has its own reason. every reason doesn't have any obligation to be explained. It is enough to be understood.

If you did, the outcome may be different. Give it a time to all, as nothing can be done in an instant.

May all have life full of joy and happiness.

Miss n luv all. keep on smiling yuh!

Friday, July 29, 2011

there are 9 people like me in this world...



the 2 n 1 that ....

the 2 n 1 that so selfish,disrespect to others and never think about others feeling...

what kind of life to lead by hurting others.

are you satisfied?

Sunday, July 24, 2011


I personally hate my family. They are so selfish,irritating and never think of others feelings.Its killing me inside out...

Thursday, July 21, 2011

abnormal feelings...

I am officially an aunt...to a baby gurl. which i never meet yet...

life....this is abnormality feelings~

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

my wish now is to have the 'happy me life' back..

I view my life from different angle now.

For the past few months,i was in terrible state.scary and horrific...
If you ask me, "how you through that kind of situation?"

I definitely says " I wish I wont, I don't want to go through it again.As matter of fact, its actually twice".

Am scared,anxious and i don't have the confident like i used to have.

I'm much better now.I feel more calm.Even the pains still inside my heart is unbearable i managed to hide it well with a smile on my face.I know i might suffered from "Masked Depression", but what else i can do?the society is not that "open/aware" about this kind of illness.No place to turn to.A very little choice which is already scarce and rare.

To normal or ordinary-life people, this might sounds a bit weird/odd/nonsense.But those who have faced it, it is one of the scariest time in life. People like us felt that it is embarrassing/lost hope/as if you are going to die/want to hurt ourselves/helpless/etc.

If you happens to meet people who suffers the above symptoms or situation,understanding is the best thing you can do. Stop the critiques, stop being sarcastic.Listen and understand, that's all.

The soul is already in a bad shape.The physical is already tired.The mind is already messed up.The least others can do is to listen,understand and give word of hopes/ best wishes/high spirited advises...

Because by doing that, you are actually saving a soul.

DO NOT BE SELFISH. The most important thing a family must never forget. The bond can saves,the love can heals,the care can gives hope and helping hands is needed.

We are all in stress,but we can still manage it.

i wish i can have my "happy-me-life" back...yes my wish!

I pray to Allah everyday that gives us strength,courage and show us the way out from all this.It is a test and i know i am weak.I learn from all these and i pray i'll become a better person in future.

The past will always be history and will never be erased.The future is unpredictable waiting to be explored.The present is now,to hope to live to the fullest doing our best to walk in this world.

To leave something for people to remember who we are in a good way.To put an example so people can learn for what we had.To share the life that someone in this world might be in the same shoes.and hope this might help...

I wish you all the best and greatness in life.Be strong and if possible let "yourself free"...

till then, smile always yuh! tata....

i wonder who is the original poet... as in the drama said PITTE

"When the sunlight touches the ground, I miss you.
When the shadow of moonlight slowly climbs up, I miss you.
When the dust finally settles down, I'd see you.
Meeting in the deep night, I still can see your shadow.
When the waves crash, I hear your voice.
As everyone falls asleep in the midst of quiet forest, I hear your voice.
No matter how far, I'd be by your side.
You'd be by my side, when the sun sets and the stars shine.
if only you're by my side."

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Part 2 - when its unbearable...

Hiya all..

You see, i owe you an apology as it takes me a long time to for the part 2. I'm really sorry, but i'll my best to write a little bit today as i've been extremely tired as if my energy been drained out from my body.I can still feel the pain but what the fish just put a smile on my face and ready to rock and roll (as if i can,imagining it hehe).

The problem about what i've been through now is, i've got nothing or to be precise zero knowledge on this kind of matters.So, when i cant moves my body or do thing that i want to do, am dumbfounded. Although i might know what really happen i might not be able to process it like i normally do.In other words, i can't even explain how i feels and thinks accurately.

Sometimes the pain is unbearable....

If you happens to be in my situation, all you can do is pray/doa non-stop.Just think it as a test from Allah swt and there's always be hikmah behind it.have faith and don't give up.A little effort is enough.As long as you don't give up....

Recite Al-quran regularly and find any doa that can help.seek advices from knowledgeable persons who can help you in this kind of stuff.Don't keep it to yourself (as this is what happened to me i cant even tell someone how i feels due to my logic minded that refuse to believe in this kind of stuffs). At least, find your best friend.the one that you can count on and reliable,i have to say this cause if the person cant understand what you've been through then it will lead to frustrations and helpless.SO please talk to someone that you can trust!!!

Am not going to lie to you that i've been through a moment that i want to hurts myself so badly even 'jisatsu',as if am going to die.I cant move my body and i thought i already lost my mind.my body aching and when i see doctor they only give me the same answer...nothing wrong with me(some doctor even teasing/mocking me)except this one doctor who understand and suggesting an alternative medicines.

You may feels that this is the end of the world for you but believe me insyaAllah we can be well like before if we continue to move on and keep living. Be patient and remember you are not alone,okies~

luv n miss y'all.smile always yuh!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

part 1 - the beginning

When it is something never cross your mind before happened, what would you do?

What is "normal" by your own definition?regardless what the world theory claimed and what being printed in books,tell me what is "normal"...

When the self you know is at the stake of "crushing/being destroyed" (what ever you word you want to describe about loosing the "you" you know now) what would do?

Left alone in the sea of people you knew without a helping hands that you can trust, what would do?

A never ending questions that beyond expectation and "norm" came to you all at once. It is not the end of the world but what if the words "is it the end of me" crossed your mind?jisatsu? its not possible and it is scary...

To ALL that questions asked, can someone with a sound mind and logically sane can understand all that?

IF (although i don't really like to use this "IF" word" i have too) there are people can understand this situation (except those who involves and once experienced it) i will freely talk with a straight face all that happened.

The pain is unbearable (some might say owh that is small matter than the more unfortunate souls out there,in war,in corrupted country,etc) and barely hold on and room to breath freely...looking for the truth and strength to walk this life is an everyday battle...

Hoping all can end fast in a blink of eyes is a hope that seems so faraway

But at least, still standing, still fighting, still believe all will end well someday is a must! to win this "war"...

and to be able to say this is a bless...

pray all well and happy always...

Thursday, June 2, 2011

rock bottom ...

its been awhile since i posted anything.for the past few months i been through lot of things that i never ever imagine that i someday will going through it. its hard and along the way i almost gave up.yes am only a human being am not superior n i do stumble n chicken n weak.its the most scariest moment i've ever experienced and to tell you the truth i dont want to go through it again.

i questioned myself why all this happened to me....i cant do anything,i felt that my energy been drained out,i didnt have the courage to go out,ignored all calls n people around me n as if like an empty headed dont even know what is going on.in denial state that n i try hard to hide it from everyone...

to that life, i'm beginning to step forward.am beginning to find way to make the first step n live the life that i want n be strong to fight all obstacles lie ahead. to the past that i left i will point it out one by one n i hope it can help others that might face the same thing as me.we live in the society that some moron n idiot envy with others.so, to tell you guys this means to help myself too.

i stand on the point that every end is always a beginning...

i wish all of you a great day n happiness.be strong n its ok if you fell down at the rock bottom.as long as you dont give up and keep on living, insyaAllah everything will be just fine...just remember you are not alone!

lotsa kisses n hugs, smile always yuh :D

Friday, May 27, 2011

kadang kala...setiap satu2 hal itu tidak dijelaskan

hari hari itu pasti seperti pelangi.

penuh riang,penuh duka...

tapi, walau perit tetap diharungi

tapi dalam itu pasti ada kisah.

kisah itu tidak diceritakan.

tersimpan kemas dalam hati

tapi kadang kala terluah kekurangan diri

saat itu pasti disalah erti.

bahas itu hak sekalian

biar pahit, masih diam.

ya,masih diam.


kata kata itu ada benar ada tidak

mohon agar nista itu tiada

mohon agar pilu itu hilang

jauh, harap jauh...


cuma itu saja...


i posted it in mukabuku long time ago..


Pagi yang mendamaikan, penuh harapan buat kamu insan2 yang kusayangi...

Maafkan ku kerana khilaf diri ini sibuk diri ini, kamu keseorangan...

Andaiku tahu pasti ku membantu mu, PASTI!

Maaf sekali lagi.

insan2 yang ku sayangi,

Harus ingat ku masih disini untuk kamu,tidak akan meninggalkan mu dan akan terus menyokong tanpa henti!

Selagi hayat dikandung badan, kamu harus ingat diri ini bersama yang lain pasti membantu mu!

Jangan malu jangan segan, luahkan segala nya...

Semoga hari esok akan lebih bahagia buat kita semua,

Teguhkan hati tingkatkan keimanan dan kesabaran dalam menghadapi dugaan dan ujian,

Yang berlalu biarkan berlalu...buka buku baru.

Redhai apa yang telah terjadi...

Sempena Hari Raya Aidul Adha ini,

Daku berdoa buat kebahagian mu sampai bila2...

Moga sihat selalu dan panjang umur...

Dihindari dari segala perkara negatif dan dilindungi selalu...

Semoga Aidul Adha ini akan membawa erti yang mendalam buat kita semua.

Ya Allah, kuatkan semangat kami dan teguhkan lah iman kami jika kami ditimpa ujianMu.tunjukkan lah kami jalan yang diredhai oleh Mu...kurniakan lah kami pasangan yang mencintai kami seadanya,yang kami idamkan dan penuh keimanan...cemerlangkan kami agar menjadi hambaMu yang berjaya di dunia dan akhirat...

Amin ya Robalalamin...

miss and luv y'all....~(*v*)~

Sayang kamu, insan2 yang amat ku kasihi....

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

tiada rasa, bagai kosong itu beraja...

Mungkin ini ujian dari yang Maha Kuasa, mungkin diri penuh dosa...
Setiap yang terjadi pasti ada hikmahnya, dan ujian itu yang mampu dihadapinya.
Hampir tiap waktu hati ni bersedih,hampir tiap waktu diri ini gagal bertahan. Ya gagahkan saja tapi itu semua sedetik cuma.Tapi ku bersyukur yang terkutuk itu mampu ku tepis...berperang dalam diri,walau tidak pasti kenapa dan mengapa semua terjadi. Topeng gagah tanpa derita ku pakai, agar yang tercinta tidak risau tidak gundah. Jika andai ada yang mampu menolongku, berbesar hati dan syukur ku lafazkan...

Ikhlas hati ku mengakui, hati ini bagai tiada rasa yang wajar untuk tika ini. Hanya pedih dalam perangku dan tangis tidak berbunyi. Kasihan ku pada hati tidak terhingga, pinjaman sementara ini sedang terseksa. Sakit tidak terhingga. Maaf hati, daku masih tidak tidak mengerti akan semua yang terjadi. Masih tidak berjumpa jalan keluar masih mencari cari masih terkapai kapai tanpa arah. Masih mengharapkan ada tangan yang mampu memegang, membantuku dalam hal ini.Kosong? ya mungkin itu ku rasa... Bagai hilang semua ilmu yang mampu membantuku di saat ini. Apa yang terjadi tidak ku fahami, ya diri ini khilaf...

Rinduku pada yang ceria,aman dan cemerlang. Rinduku akan diri yang mampu mengatasi dengan tenang.Rinduku akan senyuman dan gelak tawa.Rindu ku akan ketenangan dalam hati.
Ku tidak tahu sampai bila boleh bertahan.Yang pasti doaku setiap hari agar ditunjukan ke jalan yang benar dan diredhai Allah swt dunia dan akhirat...

Moga kita semua sentiasa dalam lindungan rahmat dan kasih sayang Allah swt. Moga kita semua masih mampu bertahan dalam menghadapi ujian dari Nya. Moga kita akan sentiasa diberi petunjuk dan hidayah sampai bila2 dan dijalan lurus diredhai dunia dan akhirat...Amin.

luv n miss y'all.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

to leave the ...

My dream is not to be a super popular rich person...

I just have a very simple dream that it seems like hard to achieved. To lead a zero stressful life that full of love and contented in everything i have and do. Enjoying everything that i've been through...that's all i want.

I know this is the time where am fighting with myself. It is a test, and i admit it to my heart.

Surprisingly now i understand why people hurts themselves and why they jisatsu or even think about it. I understand it now. Even worse when there is no helping hand sincerely reach out for you and hold its tight.

I've been watching online drama/movies/anime for the past few weeks to hides the war i have inside me. I"ve been battling it for sometimes now...It freaks me out when the thoughts to hurts myself crossed my mind. Scared the hell out of me. The pressure that i feels inside is something that i don't understand. I been through alternatives treatment and even spiritual healer, but i think its not enough. I know i should not give up and i have to find any possible ways to cure me in order to get myself back...

I wish someone can understand what i've been through...

luv n miss...


i need help...

so i need to admit it no matter what!

and in life...

through bad times and good times....

Just do the things you can do.knowing that you might regret it, just do it so you wont regret it. okies! be yourself

am not capable to be fully charge to be what i am supposed to be...

so i will always pray and i believe i can do it somehow someday....

i will bravely faced them all!!!! insyaAllah!

Friday, March 25, 2011


My aunt just passed away few minutes ago at Penang Hospital...

the way i cover up my sadness is by watching movies n dramas online... i know its weird but that's all i can do now...

Al-fatihah to my Mak long....been ages since i met you..

Moga Mak long dicucuri rahmat Yang Maha Esa lagi pengasih dan penyanyang....Allah swt.

The year of 2011....full of "departures".

Hope all my family members are strong,healthy and good together....Amin

luv n miss

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

The battle inside me

The face you saw probably just an act,
to hide the "war" inside.

I may be calm outside but sometimes it far from truth,
yet i try my best to pretend.

The fragile me, hides behind the mask of "hard shell",
little did any soul knows it was a mere inch to break into pieces.

All that planned, is presented on the "stage" inside my mind,
a strong will to realize required a huge determination, yes the thing that i need most now...

All i want is now to find something to hold on,
strong enough to carry me,
hard enough to push me,
willing to call my name whenever and wherever i am in any situation.

Perhaps it may be someone,
but i do not know, i am lost, at the edge of breakdown...

I pray to Allah, to guide me always,
give me strength, courage, wise and someone to help me along the way.

This is my war,
admit that i can't do it alone.
any one out there, if you can hear my cry,
Baito ni, find me and save me.

miss n luv...

Saturday, March 12, 2011

aitai ima anata ni

Sometimes in life you waiting for someone that you believes to be the one for you. You will wondering around looking for that person, hoping that in the journey you eventually meet him/her. Sometimes it would be an easy path but most of the time full of hardships and obstacles.

Even how much you try you still could'nt find the one that you've waiting for please don't give up. Even if it consume a lot of time and energy don't ever lost faith. Hang on and hold on to what you believe perhaps one day it will paid off. Determination is all you need to move forward.

Even if people said it was a no achieved goal, do not hesitate or think twice. Even it is impossible for the person you've waiting for, do not halt even a second in your life.

Go and find your dream. Don't ever let go the chances to meet that person. If you already meet and not take any move yet, held your head high, gather the courage, be yourself and run to him. Say all you want to say, confess all you want to and let it all out. No worries for the outcome. It is better to let it all out then keep it for yourself. People might says a lot of things to the action you've done but they can says whatever they want to say. This is your life not them. Keep fighting okies!!!

To my future self, the efforts i've done today will brings the outcome for tomorrow. Don't ever give up and fight for it!!! I'll try my best to face them all...

miss n luv...

Friday, February 25, 2011

Luo mama, i admire you so much!!!!

To Luo mama,

Thanks for your life story.I really zhen de admire you and from the bottom of my heart thank you for saving my life from drifting away from my life goal...

Luo Mama wo ai ni so muchie!!!hope we can meet again face to face so i can personally express my gratitude to you...i owe you a lot!!!

luv n miss... ~(*v*)~ muaaaahhhh!!!

Luo mama

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Tohoshinki Doushite Kimi Wo Suki Ni Natte Shimattandarou"

shiawase ne!

Doushite kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?
Donna ni toki ga nagaretemo kimi wa zutto
Koko ni iru to, omotteta no ni
Demo kimi ga eranda no wa chigau michi
Doushite kimi ni nani mo tsutaerarenakattan darou?
Mainichi maiban tsunotteku omoi
Afuredasu kotoba, wakatteta no ni (mou todokanai)

Hajimete deatta, sono hi kara
Kimi wo shitteita ki ga shitan da
Amari ni shizen ni tokende shimatta futari

Doko e iku no ni mo issho de
Kimi ga iru koto ga touzen de
Bokura wa futari de otona ni natte kita
Demo kimi ga eranda no wa chigau michi

Doushite kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?
Donna ni toki ga nagaretemo kimi wa zutto
Koko ni iru to, omotteta no ni (mou kanawanai)

Tokubetsu na imi wo motsu kyou wo
Shiawase kao de tatsu kyou wo
Kirei na sugata de kami sama ni chikatteru, kimi wo

Boku ja nai hito no tonari de
Shukufuku sareteru sugata wo
Boku wa dou yatte miokureba ii no darou?

Mou doushite kimi wo suki ni natte shimattan darou?
Ano koro mo, bokura no koto, mou moderenai (kangaeta) modorenai (kangaeta)

Doushite kimi no te wo tsukami ubaenakattan darou?
Donna ni toki ga nagaretemo kimi wa zutto
Boku no yoko ni, iru hazu datta (sono mama nii)

Sore demo kimi ga boku no soba nara to itte mo
Eien ni kimi ga shiawase de iru koto
Tada negatteru
Tatoe sore ga donna ni sabishikutemo (tsurakutemo)

English Lyrics :

Why did I end up falling for you?
No matter how much time has passed,
I thought that you would always be here
But you have chosen a different road

Why wasnt I able to convey to you?
My feelings that were growing everyday and night
The words begin to overflow
But I know they wont reach you now

From the first day that I met you
I felt like I knew you
And the two of us melded together so naturally

Wherever we would go, it would be together
It was so natural for you to be with me
We became adults together
But you chose a different road

Why did I end up falling for you?
No matter how much time has passed,
I thought that you would always be here (but not anymore)

Today, the day that holds a special meaning
The day that you stood with a smile of happiness
Praying to God in your beautiful appearance

With the person next to you who isnt me
The image of you receiving blessings
How could I just stand aside and watch

So why did I end up falling for you?
We cant go back to that time, or how we were (Ive thought it through)

Why wasnt I able to take your hand?
No matter how much time passes
You always shouldve been by my side
Now it will never come true

But, even though I say that I need you close to me
I just pray that you will be happy forever
No matter how lonely that makes me (or how sad)

by by DBSK / TVXQ :)

luv n miss y'all...

Sunday, February 20, 2011

luo zhi xiang! wo xi huan ni !!!

hehe wo xi huan ni!!!!

my forever beloved taiwanese artist ever !!!!!

i don't care what other people think, I like him forever....weeeee :D

miss n luv y'all....

wo xi huan luo zhi xiang..wink wink ~(*v*)~

Wǒ zhēn de hěn xǐhuan luōzhìxiáng. Wǒ ài tā zhème duō, wǒ xīwàng yǒu yītiān wǒ néng mǎnzú tā běnrén miànduìmiàn, bìng yǔ tā de lèqù. Duì wǒ lái shuō tā shì zuì hǎo de táiwān yìrén, gēshǒu, zhǔchí rén, wǔdǎo jiā hé yǎnyuán!! Xǐhuan tā de xiàohuà wǒ de yàngzi, tā shuōhuà, wéixiào, tā de yīqiè, bùguǎn biérén zěnme duì tā shuō. Wǒ bùzàihū, tā jiāng yǒngyuǎn shì wǒ qīnài de táiwān yìshùjiā yǒngyuǎn! Luōzhìxiáng, wǒ ài nǐ zhème duō!!

LUO ZHI XIANG WO AI NI!!! wo chen de xi huan ni!!! love ya so muchie ~(*v*)~

wink wink...

xi huan ni

show luo

xiang xiang

Thursday, February 17, 2011

ni zai nali???

Wǒ zhēn de hěn xǐhuan nǐ. Dàn nǐ bù guānxīn zhè yīdiǎn. Nǐ zài nǎlǐ? Wǒ xiǎng nǐ. Wǒ zhēn de hěn xiǎngniàn nǐ. Wǒ yīnggāi zěnme bàn? Wǒ zài nǎlǐ kěyǐ zhǎodào nǐ ne?
Měi tiān wǒ nèixīn de gǎnshòu yǔ wǒ wúyì. Qǐng zhǎo wǒ wúlùn shēn chǔ hé de. Bùguǎn nǐ shì shuí zhǎo wǒ, qǐng jǐnkuài.
Tā shānghài le zhème duō. Qǐng kuài yīdiǎn. Bàituō, wǒ qiú nǐ le....

Monday, February 14, 2011

pak super bz sudah di miliki

Yuh, pak super bz telah selamat menikah pada 14 feb. Tiada rasa, seperti biasa. Ada orang bertanya, kecewakah diri? Jawapan ku tanpa teragak-agak, "TIDAK". Lelaki , masih ramai dalam dunia. Jika hilang satu, pasti ada yang lain kerana mungkin itu bukan jodoh kita.Redha, itu yang penting!

Tidak tahu apa sebabnya kenapa diri tidak kecewa. Mungkin, kematangan dan hidup telah mengajar aku sesuatu yang tidak ternilai.

Harus ingat, kita hidup cuma sekali. Jika ditakdirkan itu jodoh kita pasti dia tetap milik kita. Jika tidak, sabarlah dan redha. Banyakkan berdoa dan jangan lupa berusaha. Jangan menyerah sebelum mencuba.

luv n miss y'all....

Saturday, February 12, 2011

dan sebenarnya daku masih ....

Setelah beberapa episod dalam hidup ku yang penuh dugaan, diri ini sebenarnya memerlukan kuasa untuk berdiri kembali. Kata-kata yang keluar hanya lah sekadar penyedap hati dan orang-orang di sekeliling, walhal kenyataannya diri ini masih terkapai-kapai mencari jalan keluar untuk berdiri kembali di pentas dunia yang penuh pancaroba dan warna warni kehidupan yang kadang cantik kadang mendung kadang misteri.

Kalau diceritakan kisah episod untuk kali ini pasti ada yang menidakkan kebenarannya, PASTI! Tetapi itulah yang terjadi, dari perlakuan yang penuh tanda tanya dari manusia yang tidak suka melihat kesenangan manusia lain. Dugaan yang menguji kesabaran dan keimanan silih berganti. Mungkin diri terlalu banyak membuat dosa dan redha itu saja yang hadir dalam diri di kala ini. Walaupun ketakutan, kesunyian dan hilang punca kadang hadir, tapi ku pujuk hati untuk terus berperang untuk kebaikan. Perlu untuk diri ini terus melangkah kehadapan, biar hati berat, biar sakit melanda dan ketakutan yang menyesak harus untuk ku terus bangun dan berusaha sekuat mungkin.

Hulurkan tangan mu untuk memimpinku ke jalan yang benar, jalan yang diredhai Allah kerana diriku amat perlukannya.Mengertilah di saat daku mengukir senyuman, harapan untuk terus bejuang dan melangkah masih kuat cuma kekuatan itu masih belum cukup. sekadar pengertian cukup buat diri ini. Faham lah kamu aku masih berperang dalam diri berusaha sekuat mungkin untuk terus tabah menghadapi segala kemungkinan.

Ku pasrah jika itu jalan hidup ku dan ku tahu hanya diri ini saja yang mampu mengubahnya. "Allah tidak akan mengubah nasib seseorang jika dia tidak berusaha mengubahnya"....Biar payah biar perit diri ini harus cuba. Bak kata Carl Jung

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

Harus diri ini kuat untuk lalui kenyataan yang perit. Perlu diri ini kuat menghadapinya... YA ALLAH, ku mohon padamu kekuatan tidak terhingga untuk menjalani hidup ini, ketabahan hati yang tinggi untuk terus melangkah, keteguhan iman dan ketakwaan selamanya. Tunjukki lah daku jalan yang diredhai MU jalan ISLAM yang syumul. Temukan lah daku dengan orang-orang yang beriman dan bermanfaat dalam membimbingku menjalani hidup ini. Hambu ini sangat lemah dan selalu alpa, berilah petunjuk MU kepada ku agar ku dapat menjadi hamba MU yang solehah dunia dan akhirat.


luv n miss y'all

kisah chocolate vochelle dgn ulat bersama sawang

Hari ini teringin nk makan vochelle...
tapi tebantut keinginan itu...

kerana chocolate ku dihuni ulat bersama sawang2 nyer.



Mubarak is fallin down fallin down...

Sekian sudah pemerintahan Mubarak hosni erk hosni mubarak erk wuteva...

Berbaloi perjuangan rakyat2 mesir...

Sekian....diharap menjadi idola pada semua!

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Maya Angelou

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”

“We may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.”

“While I know myself as a creation of God, I am also obligated to realize and remember that everyone else and everything else are also God's creation.”

“love life, engage in it, give it all you've got. love it with a passion, because life truly does give back, many times over, what you put into it”

“i can be changed by what happens to me. but i refuse to be reduced by it.”


“I don't wish to be everything to everyone, but I would like to be something to someone.”
-Javan, invented gas laser,1960-

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
-Swedish proverb-

“Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you I had no control over.”


life as we know it...

“Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”

“Life is short, don't waste time worrying about what people think of you Hold on to the ones that care, in the end they will be the only ones there.”

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”

“This is my wish for you: Comfort on difficult days, smiles when sadness intrudes, rainbows to follow the clouds, laughter to kiss your lips, sunsets to warm your heart, hugs when spirits sag, beauty for your eyes to see, friendships to brighten your being, faith so that you can believe, confidence for when you doubt, courage to know yourself, patience to accept the truth, Love to complete your life.”

Monday, February 7, 2011

THE TRUTH....always hiding and appear out of no where!

sweet bitter life...

never ending story...ordinary? a far cry from others? But one thing for sure my life always a bolt from the blue. a bitter pill to swallow but at the end a blessing in disguise, InsyaAllah, the time will come, Amin....

The future me, i'll try my best to prepare for the future...better or worse. InsyaAllah...am just human not super to make it extraordinary....

luv n miss

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

the mask of life....

hi there y'all, howdy!

Its been such a gloomy morning till now...some part of Malaysia already raining cats and dogs.

The weather made me feels erm can i say a bit ease or calming. Alhamdulillah, i feels much better than few weeks back. Praise and grateful to Allah, i manage to get myself back on track step by step. I'll fight forever if i have to and i pray to Allah please give me strength and will to do so.

When i being tested with "something that makes me not normal than usual", i tend to pretend everything is okey. I put on a "mask" in order to hide what really happens to me and i sometimes made my own self believes i'm okey. Put on a big smile, being cheerful, but at the end of the day, i collapsed and i have to face the truth that i'm not okey and i need help. Until i reach the denial stage, i know i have to do something to mends/heals it back, so i can move on.

Eventually the "mask" that i wore reveals itself. The moment it does, my weakness points exposed. But i try my best to cover it up even a bit. What i do, i smile.

Yes, I smile in front of the eyes of the world but weaker inside. The last "mask" i have to protect myself...i retreat/hide if it get worse. Refuse to let them know... Yes, that is who i am really are. I cry silently and keep it for myself..

I don't know what other people do if they are in my place.

Here, the reasons why i tell you about this mask are please understand that not everyone that happy all the times didnt have problems or burdens inside their heart, please be more considerate towards people like us and even if you cant help it would be more appreciated if you can just lend your ears or try to accept things that happens with an open heart, please understand it is not like we beg to get involved in the "terrible state/situation" in order to gain sympathy or pity from you (that is why the "mask" exist to hide it well) and lastly UNDERSTANDING.

All i ask in all reasons is UNDERSTAND. Definitely not made of steel or wire or stone, we are only human....

Thanks for your understanding...

luv n miss y'all.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

In love with Japan..

Hiya y'all,

I forgot to tell you that i was in Japan from 26th Dec. till 4th Jan. 2011 hehe...
The journey that i will never forget forever! If you have the money and time to do so, i suggest to visit Japan especially backpackers out there. I went to Tokyo, Kyoto and Osaka...Surprise surprise, i fell in love with that country.One of the country that i will definitely come again in the future...

It requires me more time to tell you more about the exciting journey of Nihon. But in this entry i let you know the brief of it.

26th Dec- because of the delayed flight, we arrived quite late at Narita Airport around 9pm local time (8 pm Malaysia). Impossible for us to catch the last shinkansen (bullet train) to Kyoto as the original plan. So, we spend the night at Narita under the airport police...hehe no worries of bad people...but its freezing burrr!

27th Dec- Woke up early as the staff there told us, the early shinkansen to Kyoto depart at 6 am. But guess what, the early train to Tokyo Station is at 7pm haha... very funneh!...It took about 1 hour or so (lupe) to reach Tokyo Station and cost you i think about 900-1200 yen huhu...you can take bus from there but with big luggage i prefer the train/subway. jeng jeng at Tokyo station for the first timer well it might makes you want to scream at the top of your lung, but save yourself from madness (although a few "harsh words" expressing yourself will be fine as for me, lack of sleep tired n confused add up the culture shock situation hehe). Look for the Guard or Police in charge there if the person at the counter failed to help/communicate with you. But remember the ticket you bought earlier is very important. DO NOT LOSE IT! You need it to move to the next location as for me shinkansen to Kyoto. Go to JR line counter and buy unreserved ticket hehe..cheap! (erk nope) 12500 yen okies (if am not mistaken)!ask for the direction.They will guide you.Move fast and watch out for the time stated! 2h 30minutes KYOTO! No one to pick you up search for Tourist Guide Volunteer, one and only provided only in Japan...you can search the internet for the contact number.All over Japan for free hehehe....Do not fret if you don't have any map, they give you for free also available at the airport. save the dimes for something else eh!

Ask them how to use the bus and subways and etc. The uncle that helps us in Kyoto super friendly and kind...he can speak simple english too hehehe...

28th Dec- went to various shrine there namely kinkakuji mae,ninanji mae,zen garden etc...all walking, if you want to use bus you can buy 1 day pass inside the bus... dont worry the driver know what you mean hahaha... one day passe hahaha... i already memorize it how to speak in nihon go hahahaha....

guy i forgot which day i went to Sanjo,Osaka etc...i will tell you later after i remember...

Sanjo is the place where you can shop. There is one small shop selling foods to katana.The Aunty so friendly,give you discount and if you buy a lot she give you small gifts hehe...aiya aunty i forgot to ask your shop name lar hehe...

Osaka- yodobashi (the biggest electronic shop) whoa besh besh! the biggest bookstore also there...

2nd Jan- 11.55pm: bus to Tokyo.Arrived at 6.30 am Tokyo Station.

3rd Jan- train to Maihama station for DISNEYLAND....one day ticket price 5800 yen!5600yen? look at Disneyland website eh hehe...last train to Narita : Narita express erk lupe...hehe

4th Jan- home sweet home...

Too brief and lack of details, forgive me hehe too busy...

luv n miss y'all...

Monday, January 17, 2011

naka nai to kimeta hi...

hi there hope all went well for you guys out there...

Recently i've been through a lot of thing that made me so down,feels like i want to give up and run away. Yes, am only a human being that i am too face ups and downs.

I lived in denial back then. I believes nothing bad or wrong happen to me and my family. An act that deceived people around me but the truth is am at edge of loosing my mind as i cant bare it anymore..

I run away for awhile to the land where the first sun rise, yes Japan. Last time when am about to crack up and reached my limit, i went to Indonesia alone for 17 days, and that was years ago.

I didn't believe in using paranormal things ( well you know what i meant right). I know its not impossible people do bad things to other people using "those things". So, i keep telling myself we are just fine nothing wrong happens.But at the end i have to admit it but i hold on to my own believes that if we didn't think it will gives negative impacts to us so badly, it wont happen.

I keep on fighting,I keep on encouraging people dear to me and try so hard to keep them back on track as by doing so it means i am telling myself to do the same.

It been couple of days since i start it. I am in the process to cure myself and people around me.I'll fight so hard to make myself back on track and better than before. I know nothing can be accomplished in just one day. So, i take one step at time to do so. I know its slow, really slow but its better than give up!

I'll fight, in order to move on i need to keep my head as clear as i can from negativeness. I wont running away because if i do i cant achieved anything and that will make things worse than they already are. I want to move on and be strong, even if people around me ignore me, i have myself my family and the most importantly i have Allah swt.

I wont cry any more.I remember i promised myself long time ago not to cry when my grandpa died. But somehow, i do cry again when things not going my way and i cant hold it anymore.So,if i do cry i hope its a cry of joy. But i know sometimes i need to cry in order to feel a little bit better so the burden inside me at least lighter than before.

I pray that i can through all the ups and downs in courage and i will walk the dark tunnel of life till the end till i can reach the sunshine again...the happiness and joy that i longed for...

To those that face the same situation like me, this is what i do so gain the courage back. I watch japanese or korean drama that full of motivation stories inside it.

some of it are,

naka nai to kimeta hi

akai ito

you can find it a lot free in the internet...

Remember, don't give up no matter what happens to you,

hold on till the end, who knows what might awaits you if you move on and work harder to make it happen...

Be strong and smile always....

luv n miss y'all....


Saturday, January 15, 2011

the chocolate that heals loneliness...


hurm let see why i love it so much...
-sweet hehe
-u can get it cheap if you dont have money...hehe

but the reason why i love it on top of that is....it heals loneliness...
to be frank with you, up till now,most of the time in my life,i am all alone...
its not that bad, am used to it...and i rather say sometimes being all alone is all i need to get out from this crazy world of mine...
and chocolate has been a very good friend to me and forever it will...i hope so hehe

this is something i got from a drama series...Akai ito.

our first encounter was by chance,
our second meeting was destiny,
if this is true,
is it also our destiny to pass each other by?

why is it? why is it?
that we think it is so important
that we live without hurting anyone, i wonder?

you cant put your true feelings into words
i cant express my important feelings
if the two of us could exchange the feelings in our hearts, would we see?-
would we see that the destiny was on our side?

there is so much i want to tell you
there's so much i want to hear
but, if after learning everything, our love breaks
then i'd rather be as i am now

when i think about my friends
when i think about the one i like
there's something important that's always just out of sight
is there really anything out there i can count on?

i never even realized
so many people were there protecting me
the important thing was that i
had to lose them to realize it

when the two of us met,
am really grateful...
even its end really bad, i really want to thank you
to teach me the most valuable lessons...that i cant find it in any books or teach by a teacher...
even if its too pricey, thank you!

it is said that approximately you will meet 30,000 people in your life...
and meeting you is one of them.
i feel regrets that i did not done well,
but i know life is not all about flying colors.
for that i'll take it as a life lesson that i will somehow pass it down to my children,
hoping that they well learn it well to so they wont make the same mistakes i've done.
but if they did it, i will try to understand it..
and all this, is actually for my future me...
to remember, to not forget to understand...

dear me in future,
i wish you all the best...
the me now will endure it as much as i can,
for you in the future...
people may come and go in my life,
people may change as the time passed by,
as that's the way it should be...

i promise that i will try my best to face it all,
for the future me,
and for the people that i may meet in future that perhaps will like me as i am,
and for the sake of love that i have wait for a long time...
i will give all i can to make it happen...
this is my promise to me in the future...

i love you and miss you so much!

be strong and remember you are not all alone even if there's no one by your side... because you got me...myself and Allah swt...

see you again in future...cheers!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

one of the great influential thinker...

Carl Jung...

his words inspire me in many ways, of course the positive quotes he made which brilliantly well said....

"Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity..."

- realize it? the meaning of it leads to +ve when we feel all goes wrong in many ways..

"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves...."

- a wake up call, you didn't like it so...

"If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool..."

- Japanese have a new term for this kind of person..."KY"...hehe

"In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order..."

-combining his knowledge in astronomy, i found him even more fascinating...

"It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves. ."

- i think this is where "don't judge the book by its cover" can fits in, its all lies in the eyes of the beholder

"It is a fact that cannot be denied: the wickedness of others becomes our own wickedness because it kindles something evil in our own hearts...."

- i hopes it won't be a fact to all of us...but some we just can't help it to agreed.... just hope for the bet for all of us

"Knowledge rests not upon truth alone, but upon error also..."

- it is okay to make some mistakes...in research field there is no absolute right or wrong to judge the result....the outcome may be turn out to be negative and that is totally okay ....as the final result! hurm still thinking how to relates it with life as a whole but i think partially might be as when we change Knowledge to life, its not will always be good but sometimes bad will come to the picture, so its okay as long we realise it and have the courage to move on and find ways to make it much better...

"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people..."

- we tend to judge other people when they made mistakes that we think is so awful.. human=judgmental...after all we only human...

okay that is for today...

i wish you all a bless life and dont forget to smile always...

miss n luv all....