naka nai to kimeta hi...

hi there hope all went well for you guys out there...

Recently i've been through a lot of thing that made me so down,feels like i want to give up and run away. Yes, am only a human being that i am too face ups and downs.

I lived in denial back then. I believes nothing bad or wrong happen to me and my family. An act that deceived people around me but the truth is am at edge of loosing my mind as i cant bare it anymore..

I run away for awhile to the land where the first sun rise, yes Japan. Last time when am about to crack up and reached my limit, i went to Indonesia alone for 17 days, and that was years ago.

I didn't believe in using paranormal things ( well you know what i meant right). I know its not impossible people do bad things to other people using "those things". So, i keep telling myself we are just fine nothing wrong happens.But at the end i have to admit it but i hold on to my own believes that if we didn't think it will gives negative impacts to us so badly, it wont happen.

I keep on fighting,I keep on encouraging people dear to me and try so hard to keep them back on track as by doing so it means i am telling myself to do the same.

It been couple of days since i start it. I am in the process to cure myself and people around me.I'll fight so hard to make myself back on track and better than before. I know nothing can be accomplished in just one day. So, i take one step at time to do so. I know its slow, really slow but its better than give up!

I'll fight, in order to move on i need to keep my head as clear as i can from negativeness. I wont running away because if i do i cant achieved anything and that will make things worse than they already are. I want to move on and be strong, even if people around me ignore me, i have myself my family and the most importantly i have Allah swt.

I wont cry any more.I remember i promised myself long time ago not to cry when my grandpa died. But somehow, i do cry again when things not going my way and i cant hold it anymore.So,if i do cry i hope its a cry of joy. But i know sometimes i need to cry in order to feel a little bit better so the burden inside me at least lighter than before.

I pray that i can through all the ups and downs in courage and i will walk the dark tunnel of life till the end till i can reach the sunshine again...the happiness and joy that i longed for...

To those that face the same situation like me, this is what i do so gain the courage back. I watch japanese or korean drama that full of motivation stories inside it.

some of it are,

naka nai to kimeta hi

akai ito

you can find it a lot free in the internet...

Remember, don't give up no matter what happens to you,

hold on till the end, who knows what might awaits you if you move on and work harder to make it happen...

Be strong and smile always....


luv n miss y'all....

smile