hi there y'all, howdy!
Its been such a gloomy morning till now...some part of Malaysia already raining cats and dogs.
The weather made me feels erm can i say a bit ease or calming. Alhamdulillah, i feels much better than few weeks back. Praise and grateful to Allah, i manage to get myself back on track step by step. I'll fight forever if i have to and i pray to Allah please give me strength and will to do so.
When i being tested with "something that makes me not normal than usual", i tend to pretend everything is okey. I put on a "mask" in order to hide what really happens to me and i sometimes made my own self believes i'm okey. Put on a big smile, being cheerful, but at the end of the day, i collapsed and i have to face the truth that i'm not okey and i need help. Until i reach the denial stage, i know i have to do something to mends/heals it back, so i can move on.
Eventually the "mask" that i wore reveals itself. The moment it does, my weakness points exposed. But i try my best to cover it up even a bit. What i do, i smile.
Yes, I smile in front of the eyes of the world but weaker inside. The last "mask" i have to protect myself...i retreat/hide if it get worse. Refuse to let them know... Yes, that is who i am really are. I cry silently and keep it for myself..
I don't know what other people do if they are in my place.
Here, the reasons why i tell you about this mask are please understand that not everyone that happy all the times didnt have problems or burdens inside their heart, please be more considerate towards people like us and even if you cant help it would be more appreciated if you can just lend your ears or try to accept things that happens with an open heart, please understand it is not like we beg to get involved in the "terrible state/situation" in order to gain sympathy or pity from you (that is why the "mask" exist to hide it well) and lastly UNDERSTANDING.
All i ask in all reasons is UNDERSTAND. Definitely not made of steel or wire or stone, we are only human....
Thanks for your understanding...
luv n miss y'all.