hi there y'all, howdy!
Its been such a gloomy morning till now...some part of Malaysia already raining cats and dogs.
The weather made me feels erm can i say a bit ease or calming. Alhamdulillah, i feels much better than few weeks back. Praise and grateful to Allah, i manage to get myself back on track step by step. I'll fight forever if i have to and i pray to Allah please give me strength and will to do so.
When i being tested with "something that makes me not normal than usual", i tend to pretend everything is okey. I put on a "mask" in order to hide what really happens to me and i sometimes made my own self believes i'm okey. Put on a big smile, being cheerful, but at the end of the day, i collapsed and i have to face the truth that i'm not okey and i need help. Until i reach the denial stage, i know i have to do something to mends/heals it back, so i can move on.
Eventually the "mask" that i wore reveals itself. The moment it does, my weakness points exposed. But i try my best to cover it up even a bit. What i do, i smile.
Yes, I smile in front of the eyes of the world but weaker inside. The last "mask" i have to protect myself...i retreat/hide if it get worse. Refuse to let them know... Yes, that is who i am really are. I cry silently and keep it for myself..
I don't know what other people do if they are in my place.
Here, the reasons why i tell you about this mask are please understand that not everyone that happy all the times didnt have problems or burdens inside their heart, please be more considerate towards people like us and even if you cant help it would be more appreciated if you can just lend your ears or try to accept things that happens with an open heart, please understand it is not like we beg to get involved in the "terrible state/situation" in order to gain sympathy or pity from you (that is why the "mask" exist to hide it well) and lastly UNDERSTANDING.
All i ask in all reasons is UNDERSTAND. Definitely not made of steel or wire or stone, we are only human....
Thanks for your understanding...
luv n miss y'all.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
In love with Japan..
Hiya y'all,
I forgot to tell you that i was in Japan from 26th Dec. till 4th Jan. 2011 hehe...
The journey that i will never forget forever! If you have the money and time to do so, i suggest to visit Japan especially backpackers out there. I went to Tokyo, Kyoto and Osaka...Surprise surprise, i fell in love with that country.One of the country that i will definitely come again in the future...
It requires me more time to tell you more about the exciting journey of Nihon. But in this entry i let you know the brief of it.
26th Dec- because of the delayed flight, we arrived quite late at Narita Airport around 9pm local time (8 pm Malaysia). Impossible for us to catch the last shinkansen (bullet train) to Kyoto as the original plan. So, we spend the night at Narita under the airport police...hehe no worries of bad people...but its freezing burrr!
27th Dec- Woke up early as the staff there told us, the early shinkansen to Kyoto depart at 6 am. But guess what, the early train to Tokyo Station is at 7pm haha... very funneh!...It took about 1 hour or so (lupe) to reach Tokyo Station and cost you i think about 900-1200 yen huhu...you can take bus from there but with big luggage i prefer the train/subway. jeng jeng at Tokyo station for the first timer well it might makes you want to scream at the top of your lung, but save yourself from madness (although a few "harsh words" expressing yourself will be fine as for me, lack of sleep tired n confused add up the culture shock situation hehe). Look for the Guard or Police in charge there if the person at the counter failed to help/communicate with you. But remember the ticket you bought earlier is very important. DO NOT LOSE IT! You need it to move to the next location as for me shinkansen to Kyoto. Go to JR line counter and buy unreserved ticket hehe..cheap! (erk nope) 12500 yen okies (if am not mistaken)!ask for the direction.They will guide you.Move fast and watch out for the time stated! 2h 30minutes KYOTO! No one to pick you up search for Tourist Guide Volunteer, one and only provided only in Japan...you can search the internet for the contact number.All over Japan for free hehehe....Do not fret if you don't have any map, they give you for free also available at the airport. save the dimes for something else eh!
Ask them how to use the bus and subways and etc. The uncle that helps us in Kyoto super friendly and kind...he can speak simple english too hehehe...
28th Dec- went to various shrine there namely kinkakuji mae,ninanji mae,zen garden etc...all walking, if you want to use bus you can buy 1 day pass inside the bus... dont worry the driver know what you mean hahaha... one day passe hahaha... i already memorize it how to speak in nihon go hahahaha....
guy i forgot which day i went to Sanjo,Osaka etc...i will tell you later after i remember...
Sanjo is the place where you can shop. There is one small shop selling foods to katana.The Aunty so friendly,give you discount and if you buy a lot she give you small gifts hehe...aiya aunty i forgot to ask your shop name lar hehe...
Osaka- yodobashi (the biggest electronic shop) whoa besh besh! the biggest bookstore also there...
2nd Jan- 11.55pm: bus to Tokyo.Arrived at 6.30 am Tokyo Station.
3rd Jan- train to Maihama station for DISNEYLAND....one day ticket price 5800 yen!5600yen? look at Disneyland website eh hehe...last train to Narita : Narita express erk lupe...hehe
4th Jan- home sweet home...
Too brief and lack of details, forgive me hehe too busy...
luv n miss y'all...
I forgot to tell you that i was in Japan from 26th Dec. till 4th Jan. 2011 hehe...
The journey that i will never forget forever! If you have the money and time to do so, i suggest to visit Japan especially backpackers out there. I went to Tokyo, Kyoto and Osaka...Surprise surprise, i fell in love with that country.One of the country that i will definitely come again in the future...
It requires me more time to tell you more about the exciting journey of Nihon. But in this entry i let you know the brief of it.
26th Dec- because of the delayed flight, we arrived quite late at Narita Airport around 9pm local time (8 pm Malaysia). Impossible for us to catch the last shinkansen (bullet train) to Kyoto as the original plan. So, we spend the night at Narita under the airport police...hehe no worries of bad people...but its freezing burrr!
27th Dec- Woke up early as the staff there told us, the early shinkansen to Kyoto depart at 6 am. But guess what, the early train to Tokyo Station is at 7pm haha... very funneh!...It took about 1 hour or so (lupe) to reach Tokyo Station and cost you i think about 900-1200 yen huhu...you can take bus from there but with big luggage i prefer the train/subway. jeng jeng at Tokyo station for the first timer well it might makes you want to scream at the top of your lung, but save yourself from madness (although a few "harsh words" expressing yourself will be fine as for me, lack of sleep tired n confused add up the culture shock situation hehe). Look for the Guard or Police in charge there if the person at the counter failed to help/communicate with you. But remember the ticket you bought earlier is very important. DO NOT LOSE IT! You need it to move to the next location as for me shinkansen to Kyoto. Go to JR line counter and buy unreserved ticket hehe..cheap! (erk nope) 12500 yen okies (if am not mistaken)!ask for the direction.They will guide you.Move fast and watch out for the time stated! 2h 30minutes KYOTO! No one to pick you up search for Tourist Guide Volunteer, one and only provided only in Japan...you can search the internet for the contact number.All over Japan for free hehehe....Do not fret if you don't have any map, they give you for free also available at the airport. save the dimes for something else eh!
Ask them how to use the bus and subways and etc. The uncle that helps us in Kyoto super friendly and kind...he can speak simple english too hehehe...
28th Dec- went to various shrine there namely kinkakuji mae,ninanji mae,zen garden etc...all walking, if you want to use bus you can buy 1 day pass inside the bus... dont worry the driver know what you mean hahaha... one day passe hahaha... i already memorize it how to speak in nihon go hahahaha....
guy i forgot which day i went to Sanjo,Osaka etc...i will tell you later after i remember...
Sanjo is the place where you can shop. There is one small shop selling foods to katana.The Aunty so friendly,give you discount and if you buy a lot she give you small gifts hehe...aiya aunty i forgot to ask your shop name lar hehe...
Osaka- yodobashi (the biggest electronic shop) whoa besh besh! the biggest bookstore also there...
2nd Jan- 11.55pm: bus to Tokyo.Arrived at 6.30 am Tokyo Station.
3rd Jan- train to Maihama station for DISNEYLAND....one day ticket price 5800 yen!5600yen? look at Disneyland website eh hehe...last train to Narita : Narita express erk lupe...hehe
4th Jan- home sweet home...
Too brief and lack of details, forgive me hehe too busy...
luv n miss y'all...
Monday, January 17, 2011
naka nai to kimeta hi...
hi there hope all went well for you guys out there...
Recently i've been through a lot of thing that made me so down,feels like i want to give up and run away. Yes, am only a human being that i am too face ups and downs.
I lived in denial back then. I believes nothing bad or wrong happen to me and my family. An act that deceived people around me but the truth is am at edge of loosing my mind as i cant bare it anymore..
I run away for awhile to the land where the first sun rise, yes Japan. Last time when am about to crack up and reached my limit, i went to Indonesia alone for 17 days, and that was years ago.
I didn't believe in using paranormal things ( well you know what i meant right). I know its not impossible people do bad things to other people using "those things". So, i keep telling myself we are just fine nothing wrong happens.But at the end i have to admit it but i hold on to my own believes that if we didn't think it will gives negative impacts to us so badly, it wont happen.
I keep on fighting,I keep on encouraging people dear to me and try so hard to keep them back on track as by doing so it means i am telling myself to do the same.
It been couple of days since i start it. I am in the process to cure myself and people around me.I'll fight so hard to make myself back on track and better than before. I know nothing can be accomplished in just one day. So, i take one step at time to do so. I know its slow, really slow but its better than give up!
I'll fight, in order to move on i need to keep my head as clear as i can from negativeness. I wont running away because if i do i cant achieved anything and that will make things worse than they already are. I want to move on and be strong, even if people around me ignore me, i have myself my family and the most importantly i have Allah swt.
I wont cry any more.I remember i promised myself long time ago not to cry when my grandpa died. But somehow, i do cry again when things not going my way and i cant hold it anymore.So,if i do cry i hope its a cry of joy. But i know sometimes i need to cry in order to feel a little bit better so the burden inside me at least lighter than before.
I pray that i can through all the ups and downs in courage and i will walk the dark tunnel of life till the end till i can reach the sunshine again...the happiness and joy that i longed for...
To those that face the same situation like me, this is what i do so gain the courage back. I watch japanese or korean drama that full of motivation stories inside it.
some of it are,
naka nai to kimeta hi
akai ito
you can find it a lot free in the internet...
Remember, don't give up no matter what happens to you,
hold on till the end, who knows what might awaits you if you move on and work harder to make it happen...
Be strong and smile always....
luv n miss y'all....
smile
Recently i've been through a lot of thing that made me so down,feels like i want to give up and run away. Yes, am only a human being that i am too face ups and downs.
I lived in denial back then. I believes nothing bad or wrong happen to me and my family. An act that deceived people around me but the truth is am at edge of loosing my mind as i cant bare it anymore..
I run away for awhile to the land where the first sun rise, yes Japan. Last time when am about to crack up and reached my limit, i went to Indonesia alone for 17 days, and that was years ago.
I didn't believe in using paranormal things ( well you know what i meant right). I know its not impossible people do bad things to other people using "those things". So, i keep telling myself we are just fine nothing wrong happens.But at the end i have to admit it but i hold on to my own believes that if we didn't think it will gives negative impacts to us so badly, it wont happen.
I keep on fighting,I keep on encouraging people dear to me and try so hard to keep them back on track as by doing so it means i am telling myself to do the same.
It been couple of days since i start it. I am in the process to cure myself and people around me.I'll fight so hard to make myself back on track and better than before. I know nothing can be accomplished in just one day. So, i take one step at time to do so. I know its slow, really slow but its better than give up!
I'll fight, in order to move on i need to keep my head as clear as i can from negativeness. I wont running away because if i do i cant achieved anything and that will make things worse than they already are. I want to move on and be strong, even if people around me ignore me, i have myself my family and the most importantly i have Allah swt.
I wont cry any more.I remember i promised myself long time ago not to cry when my grandpa died. But somehow, i do cry again when things not going my way and i cant hold it anymore.So,if i do cry i hope its a cry of joy. But i know sometimes i need to cry in order to feel a little bit better so the burden inside me at least lighter than before.
I pray that i can through all the ups and downs in courage and i will walk the dark tunnel of life till the end till i can reach the sunshine again...the happiness and joy that i longed for...
To those that face the same situation like me, this is what i do so gain the courage back. I watch japanese or korean drama that full of motivation stories inside it.
some of it are,
naka nai to kimeta hi
akai ito
you can find it a lot free in the internet...
Remember, don't give up no matter what happens to you,
hold on till the end, who knows what might awaits you if you move on and work harder to make it happen...
Be strong and smile always....
luv n miss y'all....
smile
Saturday, January 15, 2011
the chocolate that heals loneliness...
Chocolate...
hurm let see why i love it so much...
-sweet hehe
-soothing
-u can get it cheap if you dont have money...hehe
but the reason why i love it on top of that is....it heals loneliness...
to be frank with you, up till now,most of the time in my life,i am all alone...
its not that bad, am used to it...and i rather say sometimes being all alone is all i need to get out from this crazy world of mine...
and chocolate has been a very good friend to me and forever it will...i hope so hehe
this is something i got from a drama series...Akai ito.
our first encounter was by chance,
our second meeting was destiny,
if this is true,
is it also our destiny to pass each other by?
why is it? why is it?
that we think it is so important
that we live without hurting anyone, i wonder?
you cant put your true feelings into words
i cant express my important feelings
if the two of us could exchange the feelings in our hearts, would we see?-
would we see that the destiny was on our side?
there is so much i want to tell you
there's so much i want to hear
but, if after learning everything, our love breaks
then i'd rather be as i am now
when i think about my friends
when i think about the one i like
there's something important that's always just out of sight
is there really anything out there i can count on?
i never even realized
so many people were there protecting me
the important thing was that i
had to lose them to realize it
when the two of us met,
am really grateful...
even its end really bad, i really want to thank you
to teach me the most valuable lessons...that i cant find it in any books or teach by a teacher...
even if its too pricey, thank you!
it is said that approximately you will meet 30,000 people in your life...
and meeting you is one of them.
i feel regrets that i did not done well,
but i know life is not all about flying colors.
for that i'll take it as a life lesson that i will somehow pass it down to my children,
hoping that they well learn it well to so they wont make the same mistakes i've done.
but if they did it, i will try to understand it..
and all this, is actually for my future me...
to remember, to not forget to understand...
dear me in future,
i wish you all the best...
the me now will endure it as much as i can,
for you in the future...
people may come and go in my life,
people may change as the time passed by,
as that's the way it should be...
i promise that i will try my best to face it all,
for the future me,
and for the people that i may meet in future that perhaps will like me as i am,
and for the sake of love that i have wait for a long time...
i will give all i can to make it happen...
this is my promise to me in the future...
i love you and miss you so much!
be strong and remember you are not all alone even if there's no one by your side... because you got me...myself and Allah swt...
see you again in future...cheers!
hurm let see why i love it so much...
-sweet hehe
-soothing
-u can get it cheap if you dont have money...hehe
but the reason why i love it on top of that is....it heals loneliness...
to be frank with you, up till now,most of the time in my life,i am all alone...
its not that bad, am used to it...and i rather say sometimes being all alone is all i need to get out from this crazy world of mine...
and chocolate has been a very good friend to me and forever it will...i hope so hehe
this is something i got from a drama series...Akai ito.
our first encounter was by chance,
our second meeting was destiny,
if this is true,
is it also our destiny to pass each other by?
why is it? why is it?
that we think it is so important
that we live without hurting anyone, i wonder?
you cant put your true feelings into words
i cant express my important feelings
if the two of us could exchange the feelings in our hearts, would we see?-
would we see that the destiny was on our side?
there is so much i want to tell you
there's so much i want to hear
but, if after learning everything, our love breaks
then i'd rather be as i am now
when i think about my friends
when i think about the one i like
there's something important that's always just out of sight
is there really anything out there i can count on?
i never even realized
so many people were there protecting me
the important thing was that i
had to lose them to realize it
when the two of us met,
am really grateful...
even its end really bad, i really want to thank you
to teach me the most valuable lessons...that i cant find it in any books or teach by a teacher...
even if its too pricey, thank you!
it is said that approximately you will meet 30,000 people in your life...
and meeting you is one of them.
i feel regrets that i did not done well,
but i know life is not all about flying colors.
for that i'll take it as a life lesson that i will somehow pass it down to my children,
hoping that they well learn it well to so they wont make the same mistakes i've done.
but if they did it, i will try to understand it..
and all this, is actually for my future me...
to remember, to not forget to understand...
dear me in future,
i wish you all the best...
the me now will endure it as much as i can,
for you in the future...
people may come and go in my life,
people may change as the time passed by,
as that's the way it should be...
i promise that i will try my best to face it all,
for the future me,
and for the people that i may meet in future that perhaps will like me as i am,
and for the sake of love that i have wait for a long time...
i will give all i can to make it happen...
this is my promise to me in the future...
i love you and miss you so much!
be strong and remember you are not all alone even if there's no one by your side... because you got me...myself and Allah swt...
see you again in future...cheers!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
one of the great influential thinker...
Carl Jung...
his words inspire me in many ways, of course the positive quotes he made which brilliantly well said....
"Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity..."
- realize it? the meaning of it leads to +ve when we feel all goes wrong in many ways..
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves...."
- a wake up call, you didn't like it so...
"If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool..."
- Japanese have a new term for this kind of person..."KY"...hehe
"In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order..."
-combining his knowledge in astronomy, i found him even more fascinating...
"It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves. ."
- i think this is where "don't judge the book by its cover" can fits in, its all lies in the eyes of the beholder
"It is a fact that cannot be denied: the wickedness of others becomes our own wickedness because it kindles something evil in our own hearts...."
- i hopes it won't be a fact to all of us...but some we just can't help it to agreed.... just hope for the bet for all of us
"Knowledge rests not upon truth alone, but upon error also..."
- it is okay to make some mistakes...in research field there is no absolute right or wrong to judge the result....the outcome may be turn out to be negative and that is totally okay ....as the final result! hurm still thinking how to relates it with life as a whole but i think partially might be as when we change Knowledge to life, its not will always be good but sometimes bad will come to the picture, so its okay as long we realise it and have the courage to move on and find ways to make it much better...
"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people..."
- we tend to judge other people when they made mistakes that we think is so awful.. human=judgmental...after all we only human...
okay that is for today...
i wish you all a bless life and dont forget to smile always...
miss n luv all....
his words inspire me in many ways, of course the positive quotes he made which brilliantly well said....
"Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity..."
- realize it? the meaning of it leads to +ve when we feel all goes wrong in many ways..
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves...."
- a wake up call, you didn't like it so...
"If one does not understand a person, one tends to regard him as a fool..."
- Japanese have a new term for this kind of person..."KY"...hehe
"In all chaos there is a cosmos, in all disorder a secret order..."
-combining his knowledge in astronomy, i found him even more fascinating...
"It all depends on how we look at things, and not how they are in themselves. ."
- i think this is where "don't judge the book by its cover" can fits in, its all lies in the eyes of the beholder
"It is a fact that cannot be denied: the wickedness of others becomes our own wickedness because it kindles something evil in our own hearts...."
- i hopes it won't be a fact to all of us...but some we just can't help it to agreed.... just hope for the bet for all of us
"Knowledge rests not upon truth alone, but upon error also..."
- it is okay to make some mistakes...in research field there is no absolute right or wrong to judge the result....the outcome may be turn out to be negative and that is totally okay ....as the final result! hurm still thinking how to relates it with life as a whole but i think partially might be as when we change Knowledge to life, its not will always be good but sometimes bad will come to the picture, so its okay as long we realise it and have the courage to move on and find ways to make it much better...
"Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darknesses of other people..."
- we tend to judge other people when they made mistakes that we think is so awful.. human=judgmental...after all we only human...
okay that is for today...
i wish you all a bless life and dont forget to smile always...
miss n luv all....
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