Mungkin ini ujian dari yang Maha Kuasa, mungkin diri penuh dosa...
Setiap yang terjadi pasti ada hikmahnya, dan ujian itu yang mampu dihadapinya.
Hampir tiap waktu hati ni bersedih,hampir tiap waktu diri ini gagal bertahan. Ya gagahkan saja tapi itu semua sedetik cuma.Tapi ku bersyukur yang terkutuk itu mampu ku tepis...berperang dalam diri,walau tidak pasti kenapa dan mengapa semua terjadi. Topeng gagah tanpa derita ku pakai, agar yang tercinta tidak risau tidak gundah. Jika andai ada yang mampu menolongku, berbesar hati dan syukur ku lafazkan...
Ikhlas hati ku mengakui, hati ini bagai tiada rasa yang wajar untuk tika ini. Hanya pedih dalam perangku dan tangis tidak berbunyi. Kasihan ku pada hati tidak terhingga, pinjaman sementara ini sedang terseksa. Sakit tidak terhingga. Maaf hati, daku masih tidak tidak mengerti akan semua yang terjadi. Masih tidak berjumpa jalan keluar masih mencari cari masih terkapai kapai tanpa arah. Masih mengharapkan ada tangan yang mampu memegang, membantuku dalam hal ini.Kosong? ya mungkin itu ku rasa... Bagai hilang semua ilmu yang mampu membantuku di saat ini. Apa yang terjadi tidak ku fahami, ya diri ini khilaf...
Rinduku pada yang ceria,aman dan cemerlang. Rinduku akan diri yang mampu mengatasi dengan tenang.Rinduku akan senyuman dan gelak tawa.Rindu ku akan ketenangan dalam hati.
Ku tidak tahu sampai bila boleh bertahan.Yang pasti doaku setiap hari agar ditunjukan ke jalan yang benar dan diredhai Allah swt dunia dan akhirat...
Moga kita semua sentiasa dalam lindungan rahmat dan kasih sayang Allah swt. Moga kita semua masih mampu bertahan dalam menghadapi ujian dari Nya. Moga kita akan sentiasa diberi petunjuk dan hidayah sampai bila2 dan dijalan lurus diredhai dunia dan akhirat...Amin.
luv n miss y'all.
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
to leave the ...
My dream is not to be a super popular rich person...
I just have a very simple dream that it seems like hard to achieved. To lead a zero stressful life that full of love and contented in everything i have and do. Enjoying everything that i've been through...that's all i want.
I know this is the time where am fighting with myself. It is a test, and i admit it to my heart.
Surprisingly now i understand why people hurts themselves and why they jisatsu or even think about it. I understand it now. Even worse when there is no helping hand sincerely reach out for you and hold its tight.
I've been watching online drama/movies/anime for the past few weeks to hides the war i have inside me. I"ve been battling it for sometimes now...It freaks me out when the thoughts to hurts myself crossed my mind. Scared the hell out of me. The pressure that i feels inside is something that i don't understand. I been through alternatives treatment and even spiritual healer, but i think its not enough. I know i should not give up and i have to find any possible ways to cure me in order to get myself back...
I wish someone can understand what i've been through...
luv n miss...
I just have a very simple dream that it seems like hard to achieved. To lead a zero stressful life that full of love and contented in everything i have and do. Enjoying everything that i've been through...that's all i want.
I know this is the time where am fighting with myself. It is a test, and i admit it to my heart.
Surprisingly now i understand why people hurts themselves and why they jisatsu or even think about it. I understand it now. Even worse when there is no helping hand sincerely reach out for you and hold its tight.
I've been watching online drama/movies/anime for the past few weeks to hides the war i have inside me. I"ve been battling it for sometimes now...It freaks me out when the thoughts to hurts myself crossed my mind. Scared the hell out of me. The pressure that i feels inside is something that i don't understand. I been through alternatives treatment and even spiritual healer, but i think its not enough. I know i should not give up and i have to find any possible ways to cure me in order to get myself back...
I wish someone can understand what i've been through...
luv n miss...
and in life...
through bad times and good times....
Just do the things you can do.knowing that you might regret it, just do it so you wont regret it. okies! be yourself
am not capable to be fully charge to be what i am supposed to be...
so i will always pray and i believe i can do it somehow someday....
i will bravely faced them all!!!! insyaAllah!
Just do the things you can do.knowing that you might regret it, just do it so you wont regret it. okies! be yourself
am not capable to be fully charge to be what i am supposed to be...
so i will always pray and i believe i can do it somehow someday....
i will bravely faced them all!!!! insyaAllah!
Friday, March 25, 2011
Al-fatihah...
My aunt just passed away few minutes ago at Penang Hospital...
the way i cover up my sadness is by watching movies n dramas online... i know its weird but that's all i can do now...
Al-fatihah to my Mak long....been ages since i met you..
Moga Mak long dicucuri rahmat Yang Maha Esa lagi pengasih dan penyanyang....Allah swt.
The year of 2011....full of "departures".
Hope all my family members are strong,healthy and good together....Amin
luv n miss
the way i cover up my sadness is by watching movies n dramas online... i know its weird but that's all i can do now...
Al-fatihah to my Mak long....been ages since i met you..
Moga Mak long dicucuri rahmat Yang Maha Esa lagi pengasih dan penyanyang....Allah swt.
The year of 2011....full of "departures".
Hope all my family members are strong,healthy and good together....Amin
luv n miss
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
The battle inside me
The face you saw probably just an act,
to hide the "war" inside.
I may be calm outside but sometimes it far from truth,
yet i try my best to pretend.
The fragile me, hides behind the mask of "hard shell",
little did any soul knows it was a mere inch to break into pieces.
All that planned, is presented on the "stage" inside my mind,
a strong will to realize required a huge determination, yes the thing that i need most now...
All i want is now to find something to hold on,
strong enough to carry me,
hard enough to push me,
willing to call my name whenever and wherever i am in any situation.
Perhaps it may be someone,
but i do not know, i am lost, at the edge of breakdown...
I pray to Allah, to guide me always,
give me strength, courage, wise and someone to help me along the way.
This is my war,
admit that i can't do it alone.
any one out there, if you can hear my cry,
Baito ni, find me and save me.
miss n luv...
to hide the "war" inside.
I may be calm outside but sometimes it far from truth,
yet i try my best to pretend.
The fragile me, hides behind the mask of "hard shell",
little did any soul knows it was a mere inch to break into pieces.
All that planned, is presented on the "stage" inside my mind,
a strong will to realize required a huge determination, yes the thing that i need most now...
All i want is now to find something to hold on,
strong enough to carry me,
hard enough to push me,
willing to call my name whenever and wherever i am in any situation.
Perhaps it may be someone,
but i do not know, i am lost, at the edge of breakdown...
I pray to Allah, to guide me always,
give me strength, courage, wise and someone to help me along the way.
This is my war,
admit that i can't do it alone.
any one out there, if you can hear my cry,
Baito ni, find me and save me.
miss n luv...
Saturday, March 12, 2011
aitai ima anata ni
Sometimes in life you waiting for someone that you believes to be the one for you. You will wondering around looking for that person, hoping that in the journey you eventually meet him/her. Sometimes it would be an easy path but most of the time full of hardships and obstacles.
Even how much you try you still could'nt find the one that you've waiting for please don't give up. Even if it consume a lot of time and energy don't ever lost faith. Hang on and hold on to what you believe perhaps one day it will paid off. Determination is all you need to move forward.
Even if people said it was a no achieved goal, do not hesitate or think twice. Even it is impossible for the person you've waiting for, do not halt even a second in your life.
Go and find your dream. Don't ever let go the chances to meet that person. If you already meet and not take any move yet, held your head high, gather the courage, be yourself and run to him. Say all you want to say, confess all you want to and let it all out. No worries for the outcome. It is better to let it all out then keep it for yourself. People might says a lot of things to the action you've done but they can says whatever they want to say. This is your life not them. Keep fighting okies!!!
To my future self, the efforts i've done today will brings the outcome for tomorrow. Don't ever give up and fight for it!!! I'll try my best to face them all...
miss n luv...
Even how much you try you still could'nt find the one that you've waiting for please don't give up. Even if it consume a lot of time and energy don't ever lost faith. Hang on and hold on to what you believe perhaps one day it will paid off. Determination is all you need to move forward.
Even if people said it was a no achieved goal, do not hesitate or think twice. Even it is impossible for the person you've waiting for, do not halt even a second in your life.
Go and find your dream. Don't ever let go the chances to meet that person. If you already meet and not take any move yet, held your head high, gather the courage, be yourself and run to him. Say all you want to say, confess all you want to and let it all out. No worries for the outcome. It is better to let it all out then keep it for yourself. People might says a lot of things to the action you've done but they can says whatever they want to say. This is your life not them. Keep fighting okies!!!
To my future self, the efforts i've done today will brings the outcome for tomorrow. Don't ever give up and fight for it!!! I'll try my best to face them all...
miss n luv...
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