part 1 - the beginning

When it is something never cross your mind before happened, what would you do?

What is "normal" by your own definition?regardless what the world theory claimed and what being printed in books,tell me what is "normal"...

When the self you know is at the stake of "crushing/being destroyed" (what ever you word you want to describe about loosing the "you" you know now) what would do?

Left alone in the sea of people you knew without a helping hands that you can trust, what would do?

A never ending questions that beyond expectation and "norm" came to you all at once. It is not the end of the world but what if the words "is it the end of me" crossed your mind?jisatsu? its not possible and it is scary...

To ALL that questions asked, can someone with a sound mind and logically sane can understand all that?

IF (although i don't really like to use this "IF" word" i have too) there are people can understand this situation (except those who involves and once experienced it) i will freely talk with a straight face all that happened.

The pain is unbearable (some might say owh that is small matter than the more unfortunate souls out there,in war,in corrupted country,etc) and barely hold on and room to breath freely...looking for the truth and strength to walk this life is an everyday battle...

Hoping all can end fast in a blink of eyes is a hope that seems so faraway

But at least, still standing, still fighting, still believe all will end well someday is a must! to win this "war"...

and to be able to say this is a bless...


pray all well and happy always...

rock bottom ...

its been awhile since i posted anything.for the past few months i been through lot of things that i never ever imagine that i someday will going through it. its hard and along the way i almost gave up.yes am only a human being am not superior n i do stumble n chicken n weak.its the most scariest moment i've ever experienced and to tell you the truth i dont want to go through it again.

i questioned myself why all this happened to me....i cant do anything,i felt that my energy been drained out,i didnt have the courage to go out,ignored all calls n people around me n as if like an empty headed dont even know what is going on.in denial state that n i try hard to hide it from everyone...

to that life, i'm beginning to step forward.am beginning to find way to make the first step n live the life that i want n be strong to fight all obstacles lie ahead. to the past that i left i will point it out one by one n i hope it can help others that might face the same thing as me.we live in the society that some moron n idiot envy with others.so, to tell you guys this means to help myself too.

i stand on the point that every end is always a beginning...

i wish all of you a great day n happiness.be strong n its ok if you fell down at the rock bottom.as long as you dont give up and keep on living, insyaAllah everything will be just fine...just remember you are not alone!

lotsa kisses n hugs, smile always yuh :D

kadang kala...setiap satu2 hal itu tidak dijelaskan

hari hari itu pasti seperti pelangi.

penuh riang,penuh duka...

tapi, walau perit tetap diharungi

tapi dalam itu pasti ada kisah.



kisah itu tidak diceritakan.

tersimpan kemas dalam hati

tapi kadang kala terluah kekurangan diri

saat itu pasti disalah erti.



bahas itu hak sekalian

biar pahit, masih diam.

ya,masih diam.

tapi,

kata kata itu ada benar ada tidak



mohon agar nista itu tiada

mohon agar pilu itu hilang

jauh, harap jauh...



pengertian,

cuma itu saja...



~(*_*)~

i posted it in mukabuku long time ago..

Assalamualaikum,



Pagi yang mendamaikan, penuh harapan buat kamu insan2 yang kusayangi...

Maafkan ku kerana khilaf diri ini sibuk diri ini, kamu keseorangan...

Andaiku tahu pasti ku membantu mu, PASTI!

Maaf sekali lagi.



insan2 yang ku sayangi,

Harus ingat ku masih disini untuk kamu,tidak akan meninggalkan mu dan akan terus menyokong tanpa henti!

Selagi hayat dikandung badan, kamu harus ingat diri ini bersama yang lain pasti membantu mu!

Jangan malu jangan segan, luahkan segala nya...



Semoga hari esok akan lebih bahagia buat kita semua,

Teguhkan hati tingkatkan keimanan dan kesabaran dalam menghadapi dugaan dan ujian,

Yang berlalu biarkan berlalu...buka buku baru.

Redhai apa yang telah terjadi...



Sempena Hari Raya Aidul Adha ini,

Daku berdoa buat kebahagian mu sampai bila2...

Moga sihat selalu dan panjang umur...

Dihindari dari segala perkara negatif dan dilindungi selalu...

Semoga Aidul Adha ini akan membawa erti yang mendalam buat kita semua.



Ya Allah, kuatkan semangat kami dan teguhkan lah iman kami jika kami ditimpa ujianMu.tunjukkan lah kami jalan yang diredhai oleh Mu...kurniakan lah kami pasangan yang mencintai kami seadanya,yang kami idamkan dan penuh keimanan...cemerlangkan kami agar menjadi hambaMu yang berjaya di dunia dan akhirat...



Amin ya Robalalamin...





miss and luv y'all....~(*v*)~

Sayang kamu, insan2 yang amat ku kasihi....

tiada rasa, bagai kosong itu beraja...

Mungkin ini ujian dari yang Maha Kuasa, mungkin diri penuh dosa...
Setiap yang terjadi pasti ada hikmahnya, dan ujian itu yang mampu dihadapinya.
Hampir tiap waktu hati ni bersedih,hampir tiap waktu diri ini gagal bertahan. Ya gagahkan saja tapi itu semua sedetik cuma.Tapi ku bersyukur yang terkutuk itu mampu ku tepis...berperang dalam diri,walau tidak pasti kenapa dan mengapa semua terjadi. Topeng gagah tanpa derita ku pakai, agar yang tercinta tidak risau tidak gundah. Jika andai ada yang mampu menolongku, berbesar hati dan syukur ku lafazkan...

Ikhlas hati ku mengakui, hati ini bagai tiada rasa yang wajar untuk tika ini. Hanya pedih dalam perangku dan tangis tidak berbunyi. Kasihan ku pada hati tidak terhingga, pinjaman sementara ini sedang terseksa. Sakit tidak terhingga. Maaf hati, daku masih tidak tidak mengerti akan semua yang terjadi. Masih tidak berjumpa jalan keluar masih mencari cari masih terkapai kapai tanpa arah. Masih mengharapkan ada tangan yang mampu memegang, membantuku dalam hal ini.Kosong? ya mungkin itu ku rasa... Bagai hilang semua ilmu yang mampu membantuku di saat ini. Apa yang terjadi tidak ku fahami, ya diri ini khilaf...

Rinduku pada yang ceria,aman dan cemerlang. Rinduku akan diri yang mampu mengatasi dengan tenang.Rinduku akan senyuman dan gelak tawa.Rindu ku akan ketenangan dalam hati.
Ku tidak tahu sampai bila boleh bertahan.Yang pasti doaku setiap hari agar ditunjukan ke jalan yang benar dan diredhai Allah swt dunia dan akhirat...


Moga kita semua sentiasa dalam lindungan rahmat dan kasih sayang Allah swt. Moga kita semua masih mampu bertahan dalam menghadapi ujian dari Nya. Moga kita akan sentiasa diberi petunjuk dan hidayah sampai bila2 dan dijalan lurus diredhai dunia dan akhirat...Amin.

luv n miss y'all.

to leave the ...

My dream is not to be a super popular rich person...

I just have a very simple dream that it seems like hard to achieved. To lead a zero stressful life that full of love and contented in everything i have and do. Enjoying everything that i've been through...that's all i want.

I know this is the time where am fighting with myself. It is a test, and i admit it to my heart.

Surprisingly now i understand why people hurts themselves and why they jisatsu or even think about it. I understand it now. Even worse when there is no helping hand sincerely reach out for you and hold its tight.

I've been watching online drama/movies/anime for the past few weeks to hides the war i have inside me. I"ve been battling it for sometimes now...It freaks me out when the thoughts to hurts myself crossed my mind. Scared the hell out of me. The pressure that i feels inside is something that i don't understand. I been through alternatives treatment and even spiritual healer, but i think its not enough. I know i should not give up and i have to find any possible ways to cure me in order to get myself back...

I wish someone can understand what i've been through...


luv n miss...

YES...

i need help...

so i need to admit it no matter what!