I view my life from different angle now.
For the past few months,i was in terrible state.scary and horrific...
If you ask me, "how you through that kind of situation?"
I definitely says " I wish I wont, I don't want to go through it again.As matter of fact, its actually twice".
Am scared,anxious and i don't have the confident like i used to have.
I'm much better now.I feel more calm.Even the pains still inside my heart is unbearable i managed to hide it well with a smile on my face.I know i might suffered from "Masked Depression", but what else i can do?the society is not that "open/aware" about this kind of illness.No place to turn to.A very little choice which is already scarce and rare.
To normal or ordinary-life people, this might sounds a bit weird/odd/nonsense.But those who have faced it, it is one of the scariest time in life. People like us felt that it is embarrassing/lost hope/as if you are going to die/want to hurt ourselves/helpless/etc.
If you happens to meet people who suffers the above symptoms or situation,understanding is the best thing you can do. Stop the critiques, stop being sarcastic.Listen and understand, that's all.
The soul is already in a bad shape.The physical is already tired.The mind is already messed up.The least others can do is to listen,understand and give word of hopes/ best wishes/high spirited advises...
Because by doing that, you are actually saving a soul.
DO NOT BE SELFISH. The most important thing a family must never forget. The bond can saves,the love can heals,the care can gives hope and helping hands is needed.
We are all in stress,but we can still manage it.
i wish i can have my "happy-me-life" back...yes my wish!
I pray to Allah everyday that gives us strength,courage and show us the way out from all this.It is a test and i know i am weak.I learn from all these and i pray i'll become a better person in future.
The past will always be history and will never be erased.The future is unpredictable waiting to be explored.The present is now,to hope to live to the fullest doing our best to walk in this world.
To leave something for people to remember who we are in a good way.To put an example so people can learn for what we had.To share the life that someone in this world might be in the same shoes.and hope this might help...
I wish you all the best and greatness in life.Be strong and if possible let "yourself free"...
till then, smile always yuh! tata....
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
i wonder who is the original poet... as in the drama said PITTE
"When the sunlight touches the ground, I miss you.
When the shadow of moonlight slowly climbs up, I miss you.
When the dust finally settles down, I'd see you.
Meeting in the deep night, I still can see your shadow.
When the waves crash, I hear your voice.
As everyone falls asleep in the midst of quiet forest, I hear your voice.
No matter how far, I'd be by your side.
You'd be by my side, when the sun sets and the stars shine.
Ah,...
if only you're by my side."
When the shadow of moonlight slowly climbs up, I miss you.
When the dust finally settles down, I'd see you.
Meeting in the deep night, I still can see your shadow.
When the waves crash, I hear your voice.
As everyone falls asleep in the midst of quiet forest, I hear your voice.
No matter how far, I'd be by your side.
You'd be by my side, when the sun sets and the stars shine.
Ah,...
if only you're by my side."
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Part 2 - when its unbearable...
Hiya all..
You see, i owe you an apology as it takes me a long time to for the part 2. I'm really sorry, but i'll my best to write a little bit today as i've been extremely tired as if my energy been drained out from my body.I can still feel the pain but what the fish just put a smile on my face and ready to rock and roll (as if i can,imagining it hehe).
The problem about what i've been through now is, i've got nothing or to be precise zero knowledge on this kind of matters.So, when i cant moves my body or do thing that i want to do, am dumbfounded. Although i might know what really happen i might not be able to process it like i normally do.In other words, i can't even explain how i feels and thinks accurately.
Sometimes the pain is unbearable....
If you happens to be in my situation, all you can do is pray/doa non-stop.Just think it as a test from Allah swt and there's always be hikmah behind it.have faith and don't give up.A little effort is enough.As long as you don't give up....
Recite Al-quran regularly and find any doa that can help.seek advices from knowledgeable persons who can help you in this kind of stuff.Don't keep it to yourself (as this is what happened to me i cant even tell someone how i feels due to my logic minded that refuse to believe in this kind of stuffs). At least, find your best friend.the one that you can count on and reliable,i have to say this cause if the person cant understand what you've been through then it will lead to frustrations and helpless.SO please talk to someone that you can trust!!!
Am not going to lie to you that i've been through a moment that i want to hurts myself so badly even 'jisatsu',as if am going to die.I cant move my body and i thought i already lost my mind.my body aching and when i see doctor they only give me the same answer...nothing wrong with me(some doctor even teasing/mocking me)except this one doctor who understand and suggesting an alternative medicines.
You may feels that this is the end of the world for you but believe me insyaAllah we can be well like before if we continue to move on and keep living. Be patient and remember you are not alone,okies~
luv n miss y'all.smile always yuh!
You see, i owe you an apology as it takes me a long time to for the part 2. I'm really sorry, but i'll my best to write a little bit today as i've been extremely tired as if my energy been drained out from my body.I can still feel the pain but what the fish just put a smile on my face and ready to rock and roll (as if i can,imagining it hehe).
The problem about what i've been through now is, i've got nothing or to be precise zero knowledge on this kind of matters.So, when i cant moves my body or do thing that i want to do, am dumbfounded. Although i might know what really happen i might not be able to process it like i normally do.In other words, i can't even explain how i feels and thinks accurately.
Sometimes the pain is unbearable....
If you happens to be in my situation, all you can do is pray/doa non-stop.Just think it as a test from Allah swt and there's always be hikmah behind it.have faith and don't give up.A little effort is enough.As long as you don't give up....
Recite Al-quran regularly and find any doa that can help.seek advices from knowledgeable persons who can help you in this kind of stuff.Don't keep it to yourself (as this is what happened to me i cant even tell someone how i feels due to my logic minded that refuse to believe in this kind of stuffs). At least, find your best friend.the one that you can count on and reliable,i have to say this cause if the person cant understand what you've been through then it will lead to frustrations and helpless.SO please talk to someone that you can trust!!!
Am not going to lie to you that i've been through a moment that i want to hurts myself so badly even 'jisatsu',as if am going to die.I cant move my body and i thought i already lost my mind.my body aching and when i see doctor they only give me the same answer...nothing wrong with me(some doctor even teasing/mocking me)except this one doctor who understand and suggesting an alternative medicines.
You may feels that this is the end of the world for you but believe me insyaAllah we can be well like before if we continue to move on and keep living. Be patient and remember you are not alone,okies~
luv n miss y'all.smile always yuh!
Saturday, June 4, 2011
part 1 - the beginning
When it is something never cross your mind before happened, what would you do?
What is "normal" by your own definition?regardless what the world theory claimed and what being printed in books,tell me what is "normal"...
When the self you know is at the stake of "crushing/being destroyed" (what ever you word you want to describe about loosing the "you" you know now) what would do?
Left alone in the sea of people you knew without a helping hands that you can trust, what would do?
A never ending questions that beyond expectation and "norm" came to you all at once. It is not the end of the world but what if the words "is it the end of me" crossed your mind?jisatsu? its not possible and it is scary...
To ALL that questions asked, can someone with a sound mind and logically sane can understand all that?
IF (although i don't really like to use this "IF" word" i have too) there are people can understand this situation (except those who involves and once experienced it) i will freely talk with a straight face all that happened.
The pain is unbearable (some might say owh that is small matter than the more unfortunate souls out there,in war,in corrupted country,etc) and barely hold on and room to breath freely...looking for the truth and strength to walk this life is an everyday battle...
Hoping all can end fast in a blink of eyes is a hope that seems so faraway
But at least, still standing, still fighting, still believe all will end well someday is a must! to win this "war"...
and to be able to say this is a bless...
pray all well and happy always...
What is "normal" by your own definition?regardless what the world theory claimed and what being printed in books,tell me what is "normal"...
When the self you know is at the stake of "crushing/being destroyed" (what ever you word you want to describe about loosing the "you" you know now) what would do?
Left alone in the sea of people you knew without a helping hands that you can trust, what would do?
A never ending questions that beyond expectation and "norm" came to you all at once. It is not the end of the world but what if the words "is it the end of me" crossed your mind?jisatsu? its not possible and it is scary...
To ALL that questions asked, can someone with a sound mind and logically sane can understand all that?
IF (although i don't really like to use this "IF" word" i have too) there are people can understand this situation (except those who involves and once experienced it) i will freely talk with a straight face all that happened.
The pain is unbearable (some might say owh that is small matter than the more unfortunate souls out there,in war,in corrupted country,etc) and barely hold on and room to breath freely...looking for the truth and strength to walk this life is an everyday battle...
Hoping all can end fast in a blink of eyes is a hope that seems so faraway
But at least, still standing, still fighting, still believe all will end well someday is a must! to win this "war"...
and to be able to say this is a bless...
pray all well and happy always...
Thursday, June 2, 2011
rock bottom ...
its been awhile since i posted anything.for the past few months i been through lot of things that i never ever imagine that i someday will going through it. its hard and along the way i almost gave up.yes am only a human being am not superior n i do stumble n chicken n weak.its the most scariest moment i've ever experienced and to tell you the truth i dont want to go through it again.
i questioned myself why all this happened to me....i cant do anything,i felt that my energy been drained out,i didnt have the courage to go out,ignored all calls n people around me n as if like an empty headed dont even know what is going on.in denial state that n i try hard to hide it from everyone...
to that life, i'm beginning to step forward.am beginning to find way to make the first step n live the life that i want n be strong to fight all obstacles lie ahead. to the past that i left i will point it out one by one n i hope it can help others that might face the same thing as me.we live in the society that some moron n idiot envy with others.so, to tell you guys this means to help myself too.
i stand on the point that every end is always a beginning...
i wish all of you a great day n happiness.be strong n its ok if you fell down at the rock bottom.as long as you dont give up and keep on living, insyaAllah everything will be just fine...just remember you are not alone!
lotsa kisses n hugs, smile always yuh :D
i questioned myself why all this happened to me....i cant do anything,i felt that my energy been drained out,i didnt have the courage to go out,ignored all calls n people around me n as if like an empty headed dont even know what is going on.in denial state that n i try hard to hide it from everyone...
to that life, i'm beginning to step forward.am beginning to find way to make the first step n live the life that i want n be strong to fight all obstacles lie ahead. to the past that i left i will point it out one by one n i hope it can help others that might face the same thing as me.we live in the society that some moron n idiot envy with others.so, to tell you guys this means to help myself too.
i stand on the point that every end is always a beginning...
i wish all of you a great day n happiness.be strong n its ok if you fell down at the rock bottom.as long as you dont give up and keep on living, insyaAllah everything will be just fine...just remember you are not alone!
lotsa kisses n hugs, smile always yuh :D
Friday, May 27, 2011
kadang kala...setiap satu2 hal itu tidak dijelaskan
hari hari itu pasti seperti pelangi.
penuh riang,penuh duka...
tapi, walau perit tetap diharungi
tapi dalam itu pasti ada kisah.
kisah itu tidak diceritakan.
tersimpan kemas dalam hati
tapi kadang kala terluah kekurangan diri
saat itu pasti disalah erti.
bahas itu hak sekalian
biar pahit, masih diam.
ya,masih diam.
tapi,
kata kata itu ada benar ada tidak
mohon agar nista itu tiada
mohon agar pilu itu hilang
jauh, harap jauh...
pengertian,
cuma itu saja...
~(*_*)~
penuh riang,penuh duka...
tapi, walau perit tetap diharungi
tapi dalam itu pasti ada kisah.
kisah itu tidak diceritakan.
tersimpan kemas dalam hati
tapi kadang kala terluah kekurangan diri
saat itu pasti disalah erti.
bahas itu hak sekalian
biar pahit, masih diam.
ya,masih diam.
tapi,
kata kata itu ada benar ada tidak
mohon agar nista itu tiada
mohon agar pilu itu hilang
jauh, harap jauh...
pengertian,
cuma itu saja...
~(*_*)~
i posted it in mukabuku long time ago..
Assalamualaikum,
Pagi yang mendamaikan, penuh harapan buat kamu insan2 yang kusayangi...
Maafkan ku kerana khilaf diri ini sibuk diri ini, kamu keseorangan...
Andaiku tahu pasti ku membantu mu, PASTI!
Maaf sekali lagi.
insan2 yang ku sayangi,
Harus ingat ku masih disini untuk kamu,tidak akan meninggalkan mu dan akan terus menyokong tanpa henti!
Selagi hayat dikandung badan, kamu harus ingat diri ini bersama yang lain pasti membantu mu!
Jangan malu jangan segan, luahkan segala nya...
Semoga hari esok akan lebih bahagia buat kita semua,
Teguhkan hati tingkatkan keimanan dan kesabaran dalam menghadapi dugaan dan ujian,
Yang berlalu biarkan berlalu...buka buku baru.
Redhai apa yang telah terjadi...
Sempena Hari Raya Aidul Adha ini,
Daku berdoa buat kebahagian mu sampai bila2...
Moga sihat selalu dan panjang umur...
Dihindari dari segala perkara negatif dan dilindungi selalu...
Semoga Aidul Adha ini akan membawa erti yang mendalam buat kita semua.
Ya Allah, kuatkan semangat kami dan teguhkan lah iman kami jika kami ditimpa ujianMu.tunjukkan lah kami jalan yang diredhai oleh Mu...kurniakan lah kami pasangan yang mencintai kami seadanya,yang kami idamkan dan penuh keimanan...cemerlangkan kami agar menjadi hambaMu yang berjaya di dunia dan akhirat...
Amin ya Robalalamin...
miss and luv y'all....~(*v*)~
Sayang kamu, insan2 yang amat ku kasihi....
Pagi yang mendamaikan, penuh harapan buat kamu insan2 yang kusayangi...
Maafkan ku kerana khilaf diri ini sibuk diri ini, kamu keseorangan...
Andaiku tahu pasti ku membantu mu, PASTI!
Maaf sekali lagi.
insan2 yang ku sayangi,
Harus ingat ku masih disini untuk kamu,tidak akan meninggalkan mu dan akan terus menyokong tanpa henti!
Selagi hayat dikandung badan, kamu harus ingat diri ini bersama yang lain pasti membantu mu!
Jangan malu jangan segan, luahkan segala nya...
Semoga hari esok akan lebih bahagia buat kita semua,
Teguhkan hati tingkatkan keimanan dan kesabaran dalam menghadapi dugaan dan ujian,
Yang berlalu biarkan berlalu...buka buku baru.
Redhai apa yang telah terjadi...
Sempena Hari Raya Aidul Adha ini,
Daku berdoa buat kebahagian mu sampai bila2...
Moga sihat selalu dan panjang umur...
Dihindari dari segala perkara negatif dan dilindungi selalu...
Semoga Aidul Adha ini akan membawa erti yang mendalam buat kita semua.
Ya Allah, kuatkan semangat kami dan teguhkan lah iman kami jika kami ditimpa ujianMu.tunjukkan lah kami jalan yang diredhai oleh Mu...kurniakan lah kami pasangan yang mencintai kami seadanya,yang kami idamkan dan penuh keimanan...cemerlangkan kami agar menjadi hambaMu yang berjaya di dunia dan akhirat...
Amin ya Robalalamin...
miss and luv y'all....~(*v*)~
Sayang kamu, insan2 yang amat ku kasihi....
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